#8: Train-ultery

Most people are aware of the first seven deadly sins (lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride for you heathens out there) but few are aware of the eighth and final deadly sin: train-ultery. What is that you ask? It's cheating on your trainer and its a sin. Now you might be thinking, thanks for the morality review, Ryan, but why do I care? Well I'll tell you...

Yesterday I was sitting at my desk and received a disturbing phone call. It was a rep from my new gym wanting to make sure I was pleased with my new facility. "Well how attentive," I thought to myself and assured the gentleman that I was speaking to (we'll call him Bob) that I was quite happy with my new membership. Bob then informed me of a complimentary 3o minute massage by the masseuse on staff at the gym that is offered to new members. How delightful! This new gym is absolutely fabulous! At this point, Bob had me wrapped around his little finger by the prospect of a free massage...until...he said it, "Oh and I'd like to offer you a free session with one of our personal trainers too. It also comes complimentary with a new membership."

If only he could see my face he'd know how truly horrified and disgusted I was at this offer. Does he know who I am?? I'm one of J.R.'s clients! What kind of woman does he take me for?? Some tawdry lady of the night that has one-session-stands with other trainers? I THINK NOT! I'm in a happily committed (and somewhat contractual, but let's not split hairs here)relationship with my trainer! I DO NOT cheat on him! And I mean sure, he might have other clients so I guess its more of an open relationship in that sense but I certainly do not go around hooking up with every trainer that offers me a free session. Free session, buddy?! If you want someone who's that easy how about you go hang out at the bars at closing for the 2 o'clock scramble and maybe then you'll find someone who will go for your cheap free session. How dare you Bob...how DARE you.