GA...and I don't mean Georgia.

Ryan: - Hello everyone. My name is Ryan and...
[queue tortured pause]
- and I'm a gymoholic.

Group: -Hi Ryan!

[End Scene]

This dialogue was quite similar to my first meeting. It wasn't until about a week ago that I truly realized I had a problem. They say that's one of the first steps, you know- admitting you have a problem- so I suppose I'm on the right track. Well here goes... I do have a problem America, I'm... I'm a gymoholic. Yes, that's right... you heard me correctly. Feel free to cover your children's ears, shield your face from its horror, or simply hang your head in shame. I can't help it! I'm an imperfect person and I admit it! Now I know some of you might not be as familiar with this disease as others so let me enlighten you:

gym-o-hol-ic:

Pronunciation: jim-a-haw-lik or jĭm-a-hô'lĭc

adj.
1. Related to or resulting from multiple gym usage.
2. Suffering from gymoholism.

n.
1. A chronic disorder characterized by a person who uses multiple gyms habitually and to excess or who suffers from gymoholism. Results can be fatal.

Now that we all understand the severity of my problem, I will tell you my story. It was a day like any other day, a Wednesday I believe, and I was on my way to the gym after work. My mind was aflutter with planning out that afternoon's cardio session when it dawned on me. This was the third gym I'd been to today. I sat in my car in disbelief. I could feel the muscles of my face tighten as the horror set in. "There has to be some mistake," I thought to myself. You hear stories like this on TV but things like this don't ever happen to you.

I began recounting the day's events desperate to prove my epiphany wrong. I woke up and headed to the new AMLI gym like I do three days a week to my training session with Katie and JR. As soon as we finished, I headed over to the SMU gym seeking a warm shower and a chance to get ready for the day. From there I headed to my office to muddle through the unbearable tedium of the workday, and upon my release from my cement cage I headed straight to Uptown Energy Fitness to squeeze in a cardio session before it got too late.

"Sweet mother of..." my thought trailed off. Moments pass and I immediately began rationalizing what had happened. "Well it was just two...and I was going to cancel SMU because I never went there but then we relocated to the AMLI and I needed a shower so I went back to SMU and I still use Uptown for cardio because I'm not a "resident" at the AMLI..." As my rambling thought came to a close, I realized that all my justifications proved was that I was in deep, deeper than I'd realized. They say its a slippery slope between recreational use and full blown addiction but I guess I hadn't realized how true that statement was.

So here I find myself...using three different gyms daily. Trying to pick up the pieces of my life while wondering where things veered so sharply off course. I now attend Gymoholics Anonymous (GA) meetings three days a week for support. I think with a little time I'll be able to pull myself out of this vicious circle of addiction and take back my life and the freedom I once had of having only one gym membership. But until then...when you drive by a gym think of me, because...well, there is a good chance I'm a member of it. Until tomorrow... :)

Disclaimer: Gymoholic and gymoholism are not real disorders and are a complete fabrication birthed from my own imagination. Once again, if you believed anything I wrote please enroll yourselves into educational classes at a higher learning center (or perhaps remedial in some cases) near you. Thank you and have a great day! :)